wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
