Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
