My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
