I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
