I hate your face
no, he came in my armpit
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I have fence marks all over my body
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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