the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
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So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
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It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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