after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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