he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
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the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
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hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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