3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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