he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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