i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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