I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
