We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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