If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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