So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
