I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
