Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
