Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize