he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
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and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
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About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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