i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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