But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
false alarm. still invincible.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
