i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize