So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
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I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
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He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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