mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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