you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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