So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
