70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
