I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
