I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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