i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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