Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
