I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
