Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
