Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
