put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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