If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
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If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
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Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize