he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize