New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
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My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
i've created a new STD.
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My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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