You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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