rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
