ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
