Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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