I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Randomize
