My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
im holly from the hills drunk
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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