from now on my penis is your penis
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
