Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
