i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
