I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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