You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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