So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
