Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
