I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
