do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
