Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
