I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
