I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
