Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
