did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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