This is not my ceiling
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
