Barsexuality is the new black.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
