too bad you live with your parents still
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
