you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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