can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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