My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
