If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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