Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
