my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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