how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
