is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
