OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
