In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
