is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
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bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
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When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize