Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
