The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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