My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Someone came in the potted fern
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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